Chronic Illness Gift Guide (2022)

 

So someone you care about is a Spoonie. They have a chronic illness, disability, mental health issue, and/or are neurodivergent. And you have no idea what to get them for the holidays. Have no fear, I have got you covered. By the end of this video, you'll know the general guidelines for Spoonie gift giving, a list of my personal favorite Spoonie-friendly gifts, and a list of my community's favorite Spoonie friendly-gifts.

Watch the video below, or read on for the full transcript and gift list.

Who am I to talk about this? I'm a Spoonie myself, and have been for over 22 years. So let's get started.

First up, Spoonie gift giving guidelines. Number one, do not assume you know what they want or need. I can't tell you how many times I or people I know who are Spoonies have been gifted things by really well intentioned, well meaning people that just missed the mark entirely. And instead of communicating the love and care, instead it highlights the ignorance of the giver. We're still grateful, obviously, when someone gives us a well meaning gift, but when it highlights how little that person truly sees and understands the issues that we deal with, it's pretty painful. The closer you are to that person the more painful it is.

So if the Spoonie you are wanting to give a gift to this holiday season is someone you are really close to, and is someone who sees themselves as being really close to you, the more important it is to do your due diligence to understand what they want and/or need.

The next obvious thing is to ask them for a wish list, but curating a wish list can be hard. That costs spoons. Not every Spoonie is gonna have a wish list, but it's always good to just check if they already do, in which case just get them something from that list.

So when gifting to a Spoonie, there is one of two routes you can go. One is just bringing them joy, which means understanding the things that they love and that light them up. This is the kind of gift giving we tend to do in our culture. It's like if you know someone loves owls, and you see a cute little owl thing in a shop one day you probably grab that for your friend, and you give it to them right away, or you save it for the next special occasion.

The reason why I bring this up first is often it can also be painful if people that we love only see our illness, our spooniness or our neurodivergence. And while those things are inexplicably linked to who we are, why so many of us use identity first language instead of person first language. For example, I say "I'm autistic," instead of "I am a person with Autism." My neurodivergence, my chronic illness, my mental illnesses are inextricably linked with who I am as a person, but that doesn't mean that that's all I am. And so when you are considering giving a gift to a Spoonie, while a lot of what I'm gonna talk about today are accommodation-based gifts, you wanna make sure that your Spoonie isn't only receiving Spoonie-related gifts. They also want and deserve things that bring them unbridled joy, that light them up.

So if you know the Spoonie in your life has a special interest or a hobby, something that they love and adore so much, and you already know of an item that would contribute to that joy for them, something that they could have, or an experience they can have, definitely consider that as a gift because gifts like that mean so much, and they really demonstrate how much you know and understand the person you're giving a gift to.

So those are the guidelines around gifting joy. But, the majority of this video is if you do wanna gift your precious Spoonie something to make their lives better and easier. So let's tackle that next.

When gifting a Spoonie-related gift to someone, it is really important that you take into account whether or not that item or experience will save them time, money or energy, or a combination. That's essentially what accommodations do, they make tasks easier, they make living your life easier, either by saving you time and energy, or saving you money.

The reason why I bring this up is sometimes there are hidden costs to a gift or a gift of an experience. So, for example, there's this really incredible medication manager device. It's really high end, and I considered it for myself at one point, but when I went and researched it, it had a really hefty membership fee to use. You didn't just buy the device and you were good to go, it would then cost me, and I think it was somewhere around $90 to $100 a month, that monthly fee on top of it. So make sure that whatever you are gifting to your precious Spoonie doesn't have hidden costs that they cannot meet, or would not want to meet. And those are two very important things.

So financial costs are usually pretty straight forward. Like oh yeah, I don't want to gift something to a Spoonie that's gonna make them spend more of their money in a way that they wouldn't necessarily have chosen to do so without me giving them that gift. But you also have to consider the time and energy expenditure.

So when giving an experience, for example, let's say you get tickets for you and your Spoonie to go to an amazing concert of an artist that you both absolutely adore, that is magical. But, from my perspective, concert, there is so much planning that has to go into going to an event like that that wouldn't make me more ill. So additional things that you could offer along with the tickets is like, and I will spend an afternoon helping you plan how this is gonna go so that way we can save you as much time and energy as possible so the experience is positive, and we will decide what accommodations I need to help you have so that way the act of going to the concert is also fun and not really, really hard.

Another example, this is a more personal one, I'm a black thumb, I'm not really that big into plants. Not that I don't care about them, just I am not the person to shepherd a plant's life through this world. And once I was gifted a living plant, and it was a nice gift, and I was grateful for the intention, but the gift itself felt like a burden of responsibility that I had not consented to. Ultimately I ended up not keeping the plant because caring for it was not something I had or wanted to have the means to do over a long period of time. So just make sure that you dot all your I's and cross all your T's when you're considering the kind of global, wholistic consequences of any gift or gift of an experience, because it's those little details that those who are able bodied and neurotypical tend to take for granted.

I have to think about how exhausting it is for me to drive somewhere on top of whatever I'm gonna be doing at the end of the driving, and then being alive enough to then drive home. So car pooling often changes my life, it's magical. But it's those little details that make a huge difference.

But all that being said, a lot of accommodations that would be transformative for Spoonies are out of reach financially. And if you are willing to bridge that gap for us in a meaningful way, that is so profound, and it means a lot. And so a lot of the items that I'm gonna be listing later in the video address that. But that being said, I also have some inexpensive ideas, so you don't have to run away.

Quick recap. Don't assume you know what your Spoonie wants or needs. Ask them for a wish list. You wanna think about bringing them joy first, and then if you also have the means, gift them an accommodating gift or an experience to help save them time, energy, and money. And lastly, make sure that there aren't any hidden time, energy and money costs that come with that gift that that Spoonie didn't have the opportunity to consent to.

If you're a Spoonie and you have some more ideas for gift giving guidelines, please share them in the comments below, starting with the world "GUIDELINE" in all caps so they're easy for people to find.

All right, let's get into my list of favorite things. And everything I talk about today is gonna be linked at the bottom of this blog post.

Gift idea number one: I Googled your condition. If you do the work to really research and learn about the condition or conditions that your precious Spoonie lives with on a daily basis, and communicate that to your Spoonie, I can't tell you how meaningful that would be to hear. And make sure it's not a shallow dive, spend a couple of days if not a week really going deep in your research to really understand so that way you don't just have a top level understanding, you have a more nuanced understanding. If that's all you have to give right now because maybe you are struggling, maybe you're a Spoonie yourself, or maybe you're financially unstable, and you can't really be generous with your gift giving this year, spending your time doing that learning, and then filling out a really simple holiday card for that person, and just sharing, "Hey, I spent a few days learning as much as I could about what you deal with. Some of the things I learned were da, da, da, da, da, XYZ, ABC..." Just sharing. You don't have to write an essay or anything, but just compassionately communicate that you've done the work to really understand.

And I don't know a Spoonie out there who wouldn't deeply appreciate that. That's recommendation number one.

All right, really great gift for the neurodivergent among us are physical timers. So there's time timer, the cube timer, and what I like about those are they're incredibly visual, they're incredibly tactile, and they're inexpensive enough. If you're gonna gift someone some timers, maybe do a bundle, get them two or three maybe of different types, so that way someone who is neurodivergent and struggles with executive dysfunction like I talked about in this post, just can have timers strewn about their home to help the go about their day in a more intentional way.

Another great more inexpensive gift option is just fidget toys. So many neurodivergent people love fidget toys, and you know, non-neurodivergent people like fidget toys too, they're great. One of my favorites is the, and I apologize if I'm mispronouncing this, the ONO roller. Just roll it in your hands, it's so great. I really like my fidget cube. And another great kind of fidgety thing is chewelry, so chew - as in (making chewing sound effects) - jewelry. Chew jewelry, chewelry, to just kind of gnaw on.

I was one of those kids that would take locks of my hair, and just put it in my mouth, and kind of (making chewing sound effects). I would chew on and twirl. It's gross, I'm sorry, but you know... Chew jewelry better than hair.

Next up we've got ear plugs. So I'm a particular fan of the brand Loop earplugs. I have almost one of every kind they've got. The quiet ones are great for sleeping and napping, and for just wanting to drown out the world. The experience are great for loud events, like being outside, going to concerts, that kind of stuff. And they have a new one, which I have ordered, but I have not yet acquired, that is kind of like the experience, but it still allows you to be able to have a conversation with people so you can still hear enough to hear a human voice right in front of you, 'cause that's kind of hard to do with the experience ones. But I love my Loops, a lot of my clients love theirs. It's a really great, more inexpensive gift.

Another great gift, 'cause, and you know, this goes for everybody really, but Spoonies, we love our emotional support water bottles. The one that I use is the beast water bottle. It is huge, it keeps things cold forever, it has two different straws that it comes with, and a straw cleaner. And then I also got the handle for it so it's easier for me to hold onto. I love that thing so much I need more.

Another great gift are Manta sleep masks. I have been using Manta sleep masks for years. What's great is the cups that go over your eyes are three dimensional, so you have padding around your orbital bone, but you don't actually have anything touching your lids or eyelashes, let alone pressing into your eyeball while you sleep. Magical. And then they also have ones that are designed to be hot or cold. They have weighted ones, and actually I think they're coming out with their first ones that actually have speakers in them, so if you like listening to audio trying to fall asleep. I'll probably be getting a pair of those. But they're amazing, highly recommend. Really high quality. They're a little bit more of a fancy gift, just be warned. They're slightly expensive, verging on very expensive for an eye mask that is, but they are totally worth it. They are amazing, and I highly recommend them.

All right, this next one is for anyone with chronic pain, body issues. I love Yoga Tune Up balls by Jill Miller. It's a set of soft tissue therapy balls all the way from little small ones that feel like the massage of the thumb, to ones that feel like the massage of an elbow, to fist, and then there's also a large squishy ball, it's called the coregeous ball, for abdominal massage. The whole set is what I'll be linking down below, I love it so much. It helps me put myself back together, and it helps me be empowered to help treat very particular pain issues on my own without having to go to a doctor or physical therapist, or chiropractor or something like that. If that's something you want to gift to your Spoonie, I highly recommended the read and knead kit, which, again, is what I've linked down below, because that includes a book to teach you how to use them. So that kit doesn't have any additional hidden costs.

Now moving on to some really delightful items, weighted stuffies. I'll be mentioning actual weighted blankets later, but did you know you can get weighted stuffed animals? It's magical, I'm gonna link several down below, including moon pals and warmies, which I believe you can also literally warm up, yay, and sensory soothers. But there are lots of different companies out there, and I believe there are also individual Etsy sellers who will do bespoke weighted stuffies. Like I am that kind of autistic who has so many stuffed animals, and now I know that there's this whole variety of soothing weighted stuffed animals, I need them all. You can't go wrong with one of those.

Another great gift is a Kindle, or an eBook reader. Chronic pain can really effect the hands, and the eyes, and physically holding a book, physically holding it open, even if you have one of those things on your thumb to hold the book open, there is muscular strain to make that happen. Once I switched to a Kindle, I don't know, six or seven years ago, I have not looked back. It is amazing. I started with a Kindle Paperwhite, it is fantastic, highly recommend as a go to base option. I upgraded to the Kindle Oasis a while back, 'cause it also has a warm night light function so that way the screen is black, and the text is more of an orange color, so it's a lot easier on the eyes, and makes it easier to sleep after if you're reading right before bed.

And then to make my E-reader experience even nicer, I got one of these hands free page turners, and just a basic tablet gooseneck thing that I could attach to my bedside table. But now I can lie in bed, have the remote in my hand under the covers, and I'm all snugged, and I can just click the button every time I wanna turn the page so I'm not having to un-snug myself, reach and tap the screen and press the button. And because it's on a gooseneck it wiggles. The button, the hands free page turner, fantastic.

Next up we've got weighted blankets themselves. So we just talked about stuffies, we're now talking about blankets. My favorite one is the Nuzzie brand weighted blanket. It's a super chunky knit. Because it's a chunky knit it can allow for more airflow, which is fantastic, 'cause it's really easy to overheat under a weighted blanket. And they're really soft, and they're really nice, they're my favorite. That's my recommendation.

As you can tell, we are slowly going up in price. We started with the cheapest things, and now we're getting to the more expensive things, so just be warned.

The next thing that can be magical for all Spoonies everywhere are noise canceling headphones. I have the Sony XM3s, love them so much. They have since come out with the four and the five. We're currently waiting for them to upgrade the Bluetooth technology, maybe they'll be on the version six, we'll see. But they're fantastic, the threes, fours, or fives by Sony, all amazing. Noise canceling headphones are so great for sensory issues, so for someone who's neurodivergent, particularly if they're autistic, but it can also be really helpful for people with chronic pain and stuff because you also have sensory sensitivities when your brain is just screaming at you pain, pain, pain, pain, pain. Anything on top of that tends to be a lot, more too much, and is overwhelming. So noise-canceling headphones are amazing.

All right, next up, where was this my whole life? This is one of the bougiest suggestions on my list. It is called a BedJet. It's a unit that lives under your bed, and there's this great big kind of air duct tube, maybe that far around, goes up from the unit, and hooks into a double layer sheet, and that air then fills the sheet. So the air isn't directly going over your skin, the air is going through the sheet that is on top of you. It's not actual air conditioning. The heat is actual heat. When I'm really cold I can turn up the temperature to 104, and have the fan going at 100%, and I am toastier than I...oh it's so amazing. But then the cool, it's not actual air conditioned air, it's kind of like having a fan on you through your bed. It's great. So the cooling works too. And I like that because I think one of the other brands it's actually a liquid filled pad or something that you sleep on, and that just sounds like a recipe for disaster in the maintenance era, whereas the BedJet doesn't require maintenance per se, it's fantastic. If you or your precious Spoonie struggles with temperature regulation at night, give them this, they will love you forever, I swear.

Something that takes up a lot of spoons for Spoonies is just general household stuff, chores and cooking, and all that kind of stuff. So tools that can help make that easier, like an Instant Pot or really high powered blender, or a cordless vacuum, or, this one, we did not expect this to be such a hit in my home, but the June Smart Oven, I use that thing everyday. It is magical. And it also helps, because it's a countertop oven, it doesn't heat the entire apartment, unlike the actual oven that we have in our kitchen, so you don't get overheated when cooking, that's really exciting. And those items tend to be things that as Spoonies we like, we know would make a big difference for us, they would make our lives easier, they would save us time and energy in caring for ourselves at home, but often the price of those things is inaccessible to us.

I would recommend doing the kind of thing with larger items, and instead of just buying the item outright for your Spoonie, you can get them a card, and be like, "Hey, I wanted to get you something to make this part of your life easier, I was thinking about this or this, do you want one of those things? And if not tell me. I wanna help, I wanna help you." And make it a dialogue. And that's okay, too.

Okay, so that was my list. Now we're gonna move onto all of the wonderful recommendations I've gotten from my clients and my social media community. Let's get to it.

Individual packets to make flavored water, or very often electrolyte flavored water. (making kiss sound) A lot of us Spoonies have to drink an alarming amount of water, and anything that makes that easier, either taste wise, or makes it easy, easier for our bodies to actually hold onto that hydration like electrolytes, magical. Great stocking stuffer.

Another great stocking stuffer idea is lamp timers and smart plugs.

Another thing to consider is how far along on their Spoonie journey your Spoonie is, or how much overwhelm contributes to causing them to stress. For those who have kind of hit the peak of accommodating themselves, or for those who really struggle with overwhelm around items at home, there's just too much at home, giving an item isn't necessarily the best option, in which case shifting to maybe gifting an experience like I talked about earlier in the video can be really powerful and really meaningful. It doesn't have to be a concert. A gift card to have a maid service come and clean your home might be magical for some people. That being said, it might be terrible for others who are agoraphobic, autistic. You wanna double check that a cleaning service is something that is wanted, because that's one of those that can have a lot of hidden nuance to it that you may just not be aware of, and that's not your fault, so just double check.

Things like gifting a massage, a spa day, tickets to a float tank, lessons on things that they're loving learning like an online course. Or buying books or eBooks, that can be really wonderful and meaningful but without adding to that overwhelm.

And basically this is speaking to the thing that I was talking about earlier that if you're wanting to gift something that is an accommodation of some sort, or something to help with pain relief for example, you really wanna make sure you've done your due diligence to understand what your Spoonie wants and needs so you can give them that instead of some half baked idea like, "Oh, this Spoonie influencer I saw likes this, so therefore you must like it too," and that's not the case. That's why I went through the guidelines first at the beginning of this video, just because the items I'm listing, and the items my community are listing we have found wonderful doesn't mean that they're right for your Spoonie, so you need to make sure to do the due diligence so you're not just offering someone something that will ultimately be junk or offering something that has hidden costs.

If your Spoonie is having a hard time keeping track of their medical world, a really nice medical or symptom tracking journal and organizer. I reviewed the Clever Fox one a while back, that may be a wonderful gift, but, again, make sure that that is something that they would appreciate because a lot of Spoonies already have systems, and unless they're actively seeking for something new, different, or better, it might feel like a gift that falls flat.

This one is awesome, and actually it's something that I would probably enjoy, an armrest organizer or caddy for your sofa. It's great for storing midday meds is what this person said, and I'm like "I love that idea, it's fantastic." I don't know if any other Spoonies just have their pain meds in different bottles strewn about their home, 'cause the emotional support water bottle goes with me everywhere, but I don't have a utility belt of pills on me at all times, so I just make sure I have pills everywhere so wherever I am I can just take some, and having an armrest organizer at the sofa sounds fantastic.

All right, some other great ideas, a wearable or belted hot or cold pack. Food delivery gift card. Yes, either DoorDash or Uber Eats or that kind of thing, or Instacart, grocery delivery services. And then if your person doesn't want a weighted stuffie, other kind of stuffies are great, like squishmallows or other plushies. If they're a Disney fan, get them one of their favorite Disney plushies. It's really simple.

All right, this was an amazing suggestion, someone suggested a company called Liberare, L-I-B-E-E-A-R-E, and they make inclusive bras and undewear for people who have trouble with clasps, it's fantastic. If anyone watching has more suggestions for amazing companies like that, especially if they themselves are Spoonie-owned, please drop them in the comments below, I want to know about them all.

One of my Spoonies who really loves being outside but deals with sensory issues suggested polarized sunglasses and a really wonderful wide brimmed hat. Another suggestion was a good fanny pack.

Laundry service gift card, amazing, especially if it's kind of a pick up and delivery laundry service, 'cause those exist, where you just put your laundry in the bag they give you, you put it on your porch, they come get it, they clean it, they bring it back.

And then this is a really amazing suggestion, adaptive tools for their favorite hobbies or crafts. So I know that they make crochet hooks for people with rheumatoid arthritis for example. While accessibility items like that don't exist in great quantity, they do exist, and they're worth looking for. If there is a special interest, hobby, craft, anything that your Spoonie loves, and you can find an item to make the act of them pursuing that hobby easier for them, and cause less pain - magic, that is magic.

Then if your Spoonie uses a mobility aid of any kind, from a cane all the way to a wheelchair, or any other kind of mobility aid, accessories for that mobility aid are probably a great idea, either to make it more personalized, to make it easier to use, or even better to use. The number of wheelchair users who have to put spikes on their wheelchair handles so strangers don't just move them without their consent, it can be really helpful apparently to add spikes to ones wheelchair, and I am here for it. So if you want to offer to deck out somebody's mobility aid to make it both more personalized and just better overall for them, I bet they'd love that.

Another great idea is adaptive eating utensils or plates and stuff. Actual spoons, forks, knives and stuff for people with Parkinson's that automatically balance the food so on the way from the bowl to the mouth the cereal or the soup doesn't spill off the spoon, it's awesome. The stuff that people have created to make activities accessible for people is amazing, I love it.

Another great idea is medical pillows. A really obvious example is a pregnancy pillow, but a lot of people love pregnancy pillows, they're fantastic. But there are also pillows for GERD, to help make sure you're lifted enough that your stomach acid isn't going up your esophagus. Pillows to bolster your knees so that way your back is more comfortable, that kind of stuff. Decking out a Spoonies bed, or sofa, or both, great idea.

A kitchen stool. Here's something I still need. It can be exhausting to stand in the kitchen forever, and just having a bar stool that you can sit and lean on makes a huge difference. Hands free items like soap dispensers and trash cans also great. And then if your person needs help in the restroom, the bathroom, as well, things like a toilet seat riser, a cushion for the toilet, rails around the toilet, a shower chair, and you can get those either with or without a back. Those kinds of things can make a profound difference for someone.

And, I don't know, let me know your throughs everybody, but I feel like gifting that to someone helps destigmatize it. I don't know, it sounds like a really personal thing, but I know how many clients of mine who have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, like myself, or other issues that make taking showers really hard, and one of the things that I've suggested them to do is let themself get a shower chair. Well there can be a lot of shame in that choice. Once they let themselves have that accommodation, it's been profound for each and every one of them.

This is definitely an area of nuance so remember that the goal is to make your Spoonie feel good, and to help them, to bring them joy, or to help accommodate them. That's the end goal. Just remember always come back to that. It can be easy to get into the weeds, and kind of trail off from that, but just bring yourself back to the point. "I'm here to help. I'm here to bring joy." That's the whole point. And if you end up needing to negotiate something with your Spoonie to make sure that they're getting what they want or need, or both, that's okay, that's actually magical that you would go that extra mile for them.

Some more ideas, a sunrise lamp. Also a SAD lamp, those ones that are supposed to help with seasonal affective disorder, that's a great option. Air purifier, like a genuine HEPA filter air purifier. Gift card for a cleaning service or a person. I mentioned a cordless vacuum earlier, like the Dyson, but a lot of my clients and community have suggested a robot vacuum like a Roomba.

There you have it, guidelines and lots of gift ideas for the precious Spoonie in your life. And I've got one last idea for you. I help neurodivergent Spoonies who are done feeling like a failure and a burden go from doing things the neurotypical, able bodied, and toxic way, to mastering a tool set for genuine self care and a bias toward action, so they can finally believe in and trust themselves enough to spend their precious time and energy the way they want.

My signature course, the Action Navigator, is packed to the brim with tools and techniques for mastering your time, getting organized, and offering yourself radical compassion as a Neurospicy Spoonie. If your Spoonie sounds like a fit for my program, and you would be willing to sponsor their program fees, please send them this post and introduce them to my work.

You can also learn more about the action navigator at this link.

Want to understand your Spoonie even better, go to this post next to learn about 10 common chronic illness misconceptions.

If you liked this video, hit that like button and subscribe, and be sure to share it with your friends. I'll be back in two weeks with another video, see you then. Bye.


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“I researched your condition.”

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Weighted Stuffies (*Moon Pals: https://amzn.to/3GTjzWJ) (Warmies: https://warmies.com/) (Sensory Soothers: https://www.sensorysoothers.com/)

eBook Reader (*Kindle Paperwhite: https://amzn.to/3F9oeTn) (*Kindle Oasis: https://amzn.to/3AScPEG)

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BedJet https://bedjet.com/

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Packets to add flavor and/or electrolytes to water (*Liquid IV: https://amzn.to/3gLUClG) (*TriOral: https://amzn.to/3EIjmDf)

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Medical Journal/Planner (*Clever Fox 12-Month Medical Planner: https://shrsl.com/3tfux)

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Liberare: Accessible Underwear and Bras https://liberare.co/

Polarized Sunglasses

Wide Brimmed Hat

Fanny Pack

Adaptive Tools for Hobbies and/or Crafts

Mobility Aid Accessories

Adaptive Eating Utensils

Medical Pillows (*Pregnancy Pillow: https://amzn.to/3u65M7A) (*GERD Pillow: https://amzn.to/3VwjXP8) (*Knee Pillow: https://amzn.to/3GTGy4c)

Kitchen Stool

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Bathroom Items: Shower Chair with or without back, Toilet Riser, Toilet Cushion, Toilet Hand Rails

*Sunrise Lamp https://amzn.to/3VdFSL3

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Cassie Winter

I help procrastinating creatives by empowering them with the structure and support they need to get unstuck and live their best lives without overworking themselves.

https://www.accountabilitymuse.com
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