Decision Anxiety? Overthinking Too Much? | How To Move Forward NOW
If you're afraid of making the wrong decisions and missing out on "once in a lifetime" opportunities, this video is for you.
I'm going to teach you one mindset shift and one decision making tool to help you finally overcome your decision anxiety, analysis paralysis, and overthinking.
Watch the video below, or read on for the full transcript.
On a group coaching call with my Accountability Muse members the other week, one of my clients asked how to know if you're making the right decision, because what if you make the wrong decision and miss out on a one-in-a-lifetime opportunity?
What I then shared with her, and the conversation that developed from it, was transformational, and I want to share some of that gold with you today.
So let's get started!
Only YOU Can Choose When The Road Ends
The reason why the fear of missing out on opportunities can be so distressing is because we believe in the idea of "once in a lifetime" opportunities.
While it's true that the *exact same* opportunity is unlikely to arise again, what's important to remember is that missing out on one opportunity does not mean that there will never be any more opportunities in the future.
As long as you don't give up, the opportunities will not run dry. The end point can only ever come from you - if you give up, move on, or say no, and sometimes that's a necessary thing to do.
As long as you keep going, there will be more opportunities. If you want something, don't give up, and opportunities will keep coming to you as long as you continue to seek them out.
At the end of the day, the only person that has 100% control over whether or not the road ends is YOU, because the end can only come from inside you, not outside of you.
This also means that there are no quote unquote "wrong" decisions. Instead, there are only either decisions you benefit from, or decisions you learn from.
And if you ask me, a huge point of living a human life is to keep learning, and to keep growing. This means that the more decisions you make, regardless of the outcome, the more you'll learn and grow.
I believe one of the mindsets at Pixar is to "fail faster," which is the idea that the sooner you get all of your mistakes done and out of the way, the faster you can get to the best version of what you're trying to achieve.
Accepting that the road can be long and hard is important, but just as important? Believing and trusting in yourself to see the road to its proverbial end, to the point when *you* feel satisfied enough to move on.
That, I believe, is what social scientists call "grit."
Comment below and tell me about an opportunity in your past you regret letting pass you by, and one small thing you could do today to get back on the road prove your grit.
The Body Compass
Now that you understand how fundamentally unhelpful the concepts of once-in-a-lifetime-opportunities, mistakes, and failures are, let's talk about an amazing tool you can use to make the best possible decisions for yourself in the moment. (Keep in mind that "best" in this context means the decision that will move you forward the fastest).
The tool is called the Body Compass, and I first learned about it from renowned life coach Martha Beck.
It stems from the idea that the human body can possess, integrate, and analyze more knowledge and in a way that our conscious minds cannot.
Before learning how to use you Body Compass effectively, however, you need to learn how to calibrate it. Calibrating your Body Compass involves thinking of people, places, things, or past experiences and noticing how your body reacts to them.
Calibrating | What does good feel like?
Let's start with something good. Make sure you're sitting comfortably and not focusing on anything else right now. Then close your eyes and think of a person, place, thing, or past experience that you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is good for you.
If you have a loving and supportive partner, you may think of them. If you have a beloved mentor, you may think of them. You may think of any of the accomplishments in your life that you're proud of. You may even think about a pet, or even a favorite stuffed animal that has always been there for you.
The type of thing you think about doesn't matter, the point is that the person, place, thing, or past experience is or was good for you.
Have something in mind? Good.
Now slowly take a mental walk through your body, and notice any sensations you're experiencing while thinking about that good thing.
Is there a warmth in your chest?
Butterflies in your stomach?
A reduced heart rate?
Calm breathing?
A tingle in your neck?
Take a mental note of each sensation so you can remember them later.
Now, most importantly, do those sensations feel expansive and freeing?
Or do they feel constrictive? Like you're trapped?
I'm betting while thinking of this good thing in your life you feel expansive and free.
Feel free to pause this video and take notes on everything you felt if you're afraid you'll forget. Come back when you're ready to move on.
Calibrating | What does bad feel like?
Now let's discover what bad feels like in your body. Again, make sure you're sitting comfortably and not focusing on anything else right now.
When you're ready, close your eyes and think of a person, place, thing, or past experience that you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, is bad for you.
If you've ever been in a relationship with a toxic or abusive person, you may think of them. If you've ever experienced a trauma, you may think of that.
Be careful to step lightly around these things and memories. We don't want to trigger you into a flashback or emotional flashback.
Again, the type of thing you think about doesn't matter, the point is that the person, place, thing, or past experience is or was definitively bad for you.
Have something in mind? Excellent.
Now slowly take a mental walk through your body, and notice any sensations you're experiencing while thinking about that bad thing.
Is there a tightness in your chest?
A lump in your throat?
An increased heart rate?
Are your hands clenching into fists?
Is there suddenly pain somewhere in your body?
Take a mental note of each sensation so you can remember them later.
Now, most importantly, do those sensations feel expansive and freeing?
Or do they feel constrictive? Like you're trapped?
I'm betting while thinking of this bad thing in your life you feel constricted and trapped.
Feel free to pause this video and take notes on everything you felt if you're afraid you'll forget. Come back when you're ready to move on.
Your Compass | Freedom vs. Constriction
You now know specifically how your body responds to good vs bad things.
Understanding the specific sensations and feelings you experience in response to something good in your life, vs something bad in your life, is all you need in order to more accurately reflect on something new that you're unsure about.
Unsure if you should leave your job? When you imagine leaving your job, what do you feel in your body? Do those sensations more closely resemble your "good" calibration, or your "bad" calibration?
Unsure if taking on this new project is right for you? When you imagine pursuing this new project, what do you feel in your body? Do those sensations more closely resemble your "good" calibration, or your "bad" calibration?
Unsure if moving to another country is right for you? When you imagine moving, what do you feel in your body? Do those sensations more closely resemble your "good" calibration, or your "bad" calibration?
Unsure if you want to continue dating someone? When you imagine staying with them, what do you feel in your body? Do those sensations more closely resemble your "good" calibration, or your "bad" calibration?
The more you use your Body Compass, the stronger and clearer it will become, and you'll be better able to identify whether people, places, things, or experiences are good for you or not.
For most people, the information your Body Compass provides falls under one of two categories:
Freeing, or
Constricting
If your body feels constricted, trapped, or caged, that's likely your body telling you, "No."
If your body feels expansive and free, your body is likely telling you, "Yes."
Body Compass | Fear
Notice how neither of those include the feeling of fear.
Fear is a tricky feeling. When in clear immediate danger, fear is useful because it tells you to act quickly to protect yourself. In those instances, it's really important to listen to and obey your fear.
For everything else, however? Fear doesn't necessarily mean your body is saying, "No." Because often, the things that we want to say yes to scare us, and that's perfectly normal.
Scared of moving to a new country even though you really want to? This fear doesn't mean you shouldn't move.
Scared of starting a new job even though it would be a huge step up from your current job? This fear doesn't mean you shouldn't change jobs.
More often than not, the people, places, things, and experiences that are the most meaningful to us have the most capacity to inspire fear. And that's because of how meaningful they are.
So what does this mean for our body compass?
It means that if your body clearly feels expansive and free, and you also feel fear, your body is still saying, "Yes." Just because you also feel fear, doesn't mean the free and expansive feeling is misleading or incorrect.
When your body says, "Yes," fear tends to come along for the ride anyway. Not only is that okay, it's to be expected.
And guess what?
You can do scary things.
There you have it! Now you know how powerful you are, that the road only ends when you say so. And you know how to calibrate and use your Body Compass for decision making.
Meanwhile, if you know what your body is saying yes to, but you can't get yourself to do it (you find yourself giving into resistance and procrastinating) I highly recommend checking out my free Masterclass. In it I teach you three mindset shifts and one simple three-step system to help you kick resistance and procrastination to the curb.
All you have to do to get access is go to this link and sign up.
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I'll be back next week with another video.
See you then.
Bye.
