How to Get Unstuck In Life with Mental Illness | Your Light Switch
Do you feel stuck? Like you're always waiting for tomorrow to be better, but tomorrow simply never comes? Are you afraid that you might not actually be capable of the kind of change you want in your life?
By the end of this video you'll know the true key to change, and it might not be what you think it is.
Watch the video below, or read on for the transcript.
I spent over a decade of my life feeling just that, that I was waiting for tomorrow to be better, but tomorrow never came. It was this awful purgatory of being stuck and feeling incapable of making any change - feeling like the kind of change I wanted was 100% outside of my control - and that is such a shitty place to be.
And I would be lying if I say I don't still struggle with dark times and depression. I do. That being said, I have finally gotten to a place where I am capable of doing shit, of getting stuff done, of doing things that are both meaningful to me and have a really positive impact on my life and those of the people around me.
It has been a long haul, but I'm here to tell you that it's possible to make the change you want. Yes YOU.
I'm talking directly to you: the person who is probably thinking of commenting on this video saying, "I'm procrastinating by watching this video." You. I want you to understand that the kind of change you want is possible, because it was possible for me and I honestly didn't think it was for the longest time. But if it's possible for me - someone with multiple chronic illnesses, severe depression, and diagnosed PTSD and also lots of complex trauma - if it's possible for me to make those changes, it's possible for you.
So I want to share with you some of what I have learned, and the stuff that I share inside my coaching membership that is dedicated to helping people just like you actually make changes that stick. So now it's your turn to learn and understand what it took me way too long to learn.
All right, so I want to start out just with a little story about where this analogy comes from - the idea that you're always waiting for tomorrow to be better. This comes from actually, I don't know it must have been my fourth or fifth watch of groundhog's day. Wonderful movie.
I've seen it several times, and on this one particular watch of it about five or so years ago, afterwards I just... This idea hit me that that's what depression is. It feels like you're in your own personal groundhog's day. Every day is exactly the same and it sucks. And it doesn't really matter what you do. Even if you attempt to make some sort of change, it... You end up rubber banding back to where you started sooner rather than later. So it's just this purgatory that you're stuck in, and you don't understand what it is that you need to do to actually budge it so tomorrow's finally different.
Right, so that's where that came from. It was a very humbling, and to be honest, depressing analogy for depression. But it was so accurate I just wanted to share that with you.
The trouble is that if you extend that metaphor into how Bill Murray's character gets out of his groundhog state in the movie, you might start to think that, well... There was kind of like a light switch for him. He just needed to start genuinely caring about people and then he escaped his groundhog's day. But that's not how real life works. There isn't a light switch in behavior that happens, or is possible, that will get you out of that cycle of every day being the same. The truth is there is no light switch.
That being said, I understand that the title of this video says, "Your Light Switch." I'm getting to that so stick with me.
Because the light switch isn't what you think it is. There isn't a sudden change in behavior that's possible. Instead there's a sudden change in mindset that is possible, and that's what I want to communicate to you in this video.
So real quick, if you relate at all to my groundhog's day analogy of depression let me know in the comments. I'm really curious to hear from you.
So let's get back to the light switch itself. Remember the real light switch is one in mindset. It's a way of thinking. It's a way of viewing and approaching the world as you interact with it, as opposed to just a very sudden earth-shattering shift in your behavior (which is kind of what we all wish were possible, but I'm sorry it's not). It is incredibly rare to just suddenly quote unquote "flip a switch" and act and behave completely differently than you ever have before, and maintain that change in behavior over a long period of time. That's just a recipe for disaster to be honest.
If (and you've probably experienced that) if you are still watching this video, you have probably experienced that, where you have tried to drastically change your behavior, was able to maintain it for a certain amount of time, and then hit a wall and ricocheted backwards so bad there's whiplash. And you may have even regressed to an even worse version of your groundhog's day cycle because of how much effort you put into trying to escape it, you like ricocheted equal and opposite back inside and it sucks.
I had a client once who was stuck in their own personal groundhog's day hell. They were cycling. Every day was the same as the one before, and every new day was again the same, and it was the same shitty day where they weren't that productive. They spent most of their time just binging on Netflix. They were broke, out of a job. Like ALL of the things. And it was heartbreaking to see, because I know exactly what that's like.
And the hard thing about being stuck in that cycle is it is self-perpetuating, and there can almost be this subconscious need for the cycle to continue because you know what to expect, and therefore you can pretend you have some form of control over the situation.
And tricking yourself into thinking you have control over something is really, for lack of a better word, addictive. Because, human nature, life as a human being on planet Earth is inherently an uncontrollable experience. There is very little in this life that we have direct 100% control over, and so one of the things about being stuck in that groundhog's day cycle is that you kind of have control over it and that can ease so much stress by feeling like you have control.
So when you think about moving outside of that cycle and making any sort of change, big or small, it can be terrifying because then you have to truly confront the things that you don't have control over.
It can feel so defeating to apply to job after job after job, and not even get an interview or not get a job for months and months months if not years. That can be so defeating, and it can feel like you're not making any progress, and... And it's it's awful I - I'm not gonna sugarcoat any of it - but that's part of what's holding you back: is the idea that you need a hundred percent control over the things you're trying to change. That's not necessarily true.
Instead the mindset shift is to realize that everything you want to do in life is a marathon and not a sprint.
I know that seems really simple. I'm going to say it again. The changes that you want to make (if you engage with them as if it's a marathon, and it's a long haul, and slow and steady wins the race), that is going to get you where you want to go a whole lot more often than "do it all right now."
I actually want to refer to the poster behind me. This is by Zen Pencils, a wonderful artist who for a long period of time made comic strips out of famous quotes. And this is a quote by Jacob Riis, "When nothing seems to help, I would go and look at a stonecutter hammering away at his rock perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred and first blow it would split in two. And I knew it was not that blow that did it, but all that had gone before."
Zen Pencils - The Stonecutter
And so it's a wonderful comic of - instead of like a stonecutter, it's someone trying to pull the proverbial sword from the stone. And it's the acknowledgement that it's not the final blow that frees the sword from the stone, it's the cumulation of all of the work that led up to it.
And that’s what I mean by saying it's a marathon and not a sprint, because if you're in your groundhog's day and you decide, "Okay, it's a marathon not a sprint. I need to make a small change and stick with that small change for a long period of time." And I'm not talking like 30 days to develop a habit, I'm talking like a year or more.
And I know that's not pretty to hear. It sucks.
And this is why it's so hard, because you can be in your groundhog's day and you can be doing your one small change, and you can be doing that every single damn day for months if not years, and feel like you're not actually getting anywhere. That can be really frustrating. But eventually you will get somewhere.
So for example, personally I can trace all of my current success... Which includes not one but two successful businesses, four complete drafts of my YA Fantasy novel - I'm currently working on the fifth draft, and I plan after this one to actually start querying it - so two businesses, one novel very far in progress, and also three full productions of scripts that I have written at Rose City Swing over the past three years... Holy cow.
I can trace all of that success back to three years ago when I was like, "Okay. I am going to spend a timed 30 minutes every weekday (because weekends off is important - 30 minutes a day is a lot. You may think I'm joking, and I kind of am, but I'm also really not because that was huge. I can trace all of my success back to the decision in mid 2017 to set a timer every weekday for 30 minutes and try to write my novel until the timer goes off.
(And that try part is like super duper important, but that's an entirely different video.)
All of my success, and my ability to be productive and produce a heck of a lot of content every week, and coach clients, and write my novel, and work on scripts - all of it. I'm doing so much now it boggles my mind. Because I was in my own personal groundhog day hell for over a decade, and now I do so much I actually have a new-level-new-devil problem where I'm like, "I need to rest more so I don't burn out." Because I do still have my invisible disabilities.
But everything that I am now proud of, and have accomplished, and where I see my immediate future taking me - I can trace that all back to that decision just over three years ago to 30 minutes every weekday trying to work on my novel. And it was only 30 minutes every weekday for months, and then I graduated to an hour every weekday, and I stuck with that for a couple of years. So it took almost three years before the snowball really started taking effect. And now my groundhog's day is gone. It... It felt like... While I was inside this marathon, like it was... I was still in my groundhog's day for the longest time really, even though I was technically doing the work to get out of it, but then there was some point and it just happened so naturally that I kind of missed it, and...
And I joke, but really it just kind of swept me up into the momentum of it, because that's what was happening. I put in all of this work bashing at my proverbial stone to get the sword out, and then as soon as I got the sword out I was just like, "Fuck yeah I got a sword! Let's go do shit! Let's go slay some dragons!"
I... I was too busy enjoying finally having the sword that I kind of didn't notice the moment where I actually got it. (If that makes sense.) Because it became such a natural progression of the marathon of committing with one small change to get out of my groundhog's day. That is the thing that I wanted to convey to my client, and that's the thing I want to convey to you if you feel like you are in your groundhog's day right now.
The trick is to commit to one small 100% doable change that you can be consistent with at least four days a week (no more than six, because rest days are like no shit, they're a big deal and really important) and just do that and don't expect more of yourself.
Because eventually more will happen without you having to really force yourself to do it. This is kind of where the magic comes in, because I really do think once we give ourselves the space to be gentle with ourselves, and to really let it take the time it needs, then eventually the snowball gets going so fast that you don't even notice you're not in your groundhog's day anymore. And that's what I want you to eventually experience. That's the light switch. It's a marathon and not a sprint.
But like I've explained, there is so much more to it. And is it hard? Yes. It is not easy. Is it possible to do yourself? Yes. I am living proof of that. So many people have done it themselves.
That being said, I wish I had not had to do it myself. Like honestly I wish there had been a magical fairy to swoop in and carry me along this path, so that way my marathon didn't last quite as long. Like I said, it took me almost three years before my snowball picked up enough speed that I just started exploding out of my groundhog's day and not having to really force myself to do it. It was just happening of its own accord. It was quite exciting. But I wish I had gotten there faster. And I also wish I hadn't spent that - over a decade in my groundhog's day - before I made the decision to write 30 minutes a day. So really that... That desire that I wish I had had someone to help me and save... Man like really, if I could have had somebody help me get to this point where I am now over 10 years ago? That is priceless to me. Like really priceless.
My life would be so different right now if the point that I am at now I had achieved 10 years ago, instead of still being in my groundhog's day for years before I made that decision to start writing 30 minutes a day.
And that is why I have built my business Accountability Muse and the group coaching membership inside of it, because I want to be that person for people. I want to be your damn fairy godmother swooping in and holding your hand and helping you make small sustainable change, and being kind to yourself in a way that helps you feel less alone and less anxious about how long it's taking, and just like really... So you don't have to do it alone.
Like every time... I have a client inside my membership right now, and whenever they send me their weekly check-in and share with me the progress that they're making, and are transparent about the hurdles that they're coming across so that I can help them overcome them, each and every week (I'm teary just thinking about it), but every time I read their weekly check-ins with me I just start crying because I'm so proud of them for for being honest that it's easier when they have help.
And being able to be that person, and to see them grow and take action and move forward towards their dreams like... That is the shit, man.
I... I love it. And it means so much to me. Because, like, I cannot tell you how meaningful it would have been to me if someone had been able to be there for me over 10 years ago, and now I have the honor to be that for other people.
If you want a little taste of what it is that I do, I recorded my Masterclass on what I call "Butt in Chair Time" and it is the gateway drug into everything I do. And it is actually a full rundown of that 30 minutes every weekday situation that I was talking about - like everything that went into making that happen and making that sustainable for years until more just happened on its own. That's my Butt In Chair Time Masterclass right there. And it is free to you. All you have to do to get access to the replay is go to this link and sign up for my email list, and you will immediately get an email with a link to the secret unlisted link on YouTube of the class.
(That was a convoluted sentence. But I am running out of brain juice, so... 🤣)
Anyways, I highly recommend checking out that class. And by getting on my email list, you are also on the waiting list for the next time my group coaching membership opens its doors to the public.
So after you've signed up for the replay (because I know you want to), check out these two videos on procrastination and also turning pro with mental illness:
If you liked this video, please hit that like button. Subscribe to my channel.
And please, if you know someone else who is stuck in their own personal groundhog's day, please share this video with them. Because maybe, maybe it'll help them finally get out of it and live a brand new day.
[OUTTAKES: every hit... I can't words today. Oh geez. I need to start this section all over again because I can't words. Oh. People keep driving by. This is very very helpful and annoying. Produced - why are there so many cars? Go away!]