Depression Tips: Finding Motivation in the Darkness 💡
Navigating depression can feel impossible. Many people believe that depression is simply persistent sadness, but that's an oversimplified view. Depression also entails persistent feelings of emptiness and hopelessness, as well as a significant loss in interest and pleasure and activities. AKA motivation goes out the window. By the end of this video, you'll know two concrete tips to help navigate the catch 22 that is finding motivation with depression.
Watch the video below or read on for the full transcript.
But first and foremost, know that you're not alone, and I really believe in you.
If you're neurodivergent or a spoonie and are looking to master yourself and your time in a compassionate way, this is the place for you to be. Subscribe to my channel and hit the bell to be notified whenever I post a new video.
It took me a decade to figure out how to climb out of my depression, and I do this work because I never want anyone else to have to figure this out on their own. So let's get started.
When I think back to my decade-long Groundhog Day, which I talk about in this post, one of the things I remember most vividly is constantly asking myself, why? Why can't I get myself to do anything? Why am I a blob on the sofa all day every day? Which ultimately spiraled into even more painful questions like, why am I so worthless? Saying this line of thinking contributed to my suicidal ideation is an understatement. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?
As I look back, I can now see that there was a faulty assumption festering beneath my constant questioning of why. It was the faulty assumption that I had control over my experience and was therefore responsible for getting into this depression in the first place, and therefore was morally responsible for "fixing myself". Those who have experienced religious trauma may resonate more with the words "I have sinned and therefore must atone".
Let me be absolutely clear about something. The experience of depression is morally neutral. There is a difference between feeling broken because you're suffering and feeling broken because you feel like you deserve suffering. When I was constantly asking why, I wasn't trying to figure out what I did to deserve depression, though, if you had asked me at the time, I might have said that. Instead, I now understand that I was trying to figure out why I was someone who innately deserved to suffer. My deserving to suffer was independent of any actions I did or did not take. I was searching for what I thought was fundamentally wrong with me, and I failed. I couldn't find it. You know why? Because there's nothing wrong with me.
If you're reeling from what I just said, may I suggest you take a detour and do some Anytime Pages? I teach that journaling technique in this video. So here's my first motivation with depression tip for you.
Ask yourself, “If I was not innately deserving of suffering, what would I spend the next five minutes doing?”
Set a timer for five minutes and do it.
Stop when the timer goes off. If you're curious about the stopping part, check out this post next. I go into great detail about why stopping is so important.
If you've had an aha moment watching this video, write “aha” in the comments.
In my first post on finding motivation with depression, I describe motivation as, in part, the ability to imagine what it will feel like to do and or have done an activity. This is because motivation comes from starting or doing the thing, not necessarily in anticipation of it. What will it feel like to do the thing? What will it feel like to have done the thing?
When we are depressed, our ability to imagine feelings is limited, and if we have alexithymia or other forms of neurodivergence on top of depression, the ability to imagine is even more hindered. During my decade-long Groundhog Day, the thing that I wanted to do the most was write. I had been one of those effortlessly prolific child writers back in the day, and I so desperately wanted that back. But did I write at all? Nope. Could I imagine what it would feel like to write or to be done writing for the day? Nope. Could I remember what it felt like to write when I was a child? No. My memory was beyond hazy.
It has since occurred to me that one of the reasons I struggled with imagining those feelings was because I was trying to imagine me having those feelings, which due to my depression was unavailable. But maybe just maybe imagining someone else feeling something might be more available. Let's try an experiment.
Can you imagine how one of your favorite actors felt acting in one of your favorite scenes?
How one of your favorite writers felt writing one of your favorite books?
How one of your favorite musicians felt performing one of your favorite songs?
You may only be able to come up with the words for what they might be feeling, such as passionate, focused in flow, or in the zone, challenged, peaceful, energetic, etc.
If all you have are words, that's okay, and if you're struggling to find the words, I recommend looking at a feelings wheel for ideas. As you imagine someone else feeling something different from what you are feeling, you may find yourself better able to imagine what it will feel like for you to feel that feeling. Why is that? My theory is that when we're depressed, we may be able to access empathy more easily than our own feelings. If this experiment was helpful, might I suggest repeating it, but this time, imagining how your favorite person felt after having completed their respective activity.
For example, they might feel satisfied, fulfilled, recharged, or even spent, but in a good way. So how do we apply this to the resistance and lack of motivation we're experiencing due to depression?
Think of an activity that you would like to get started on.
Think of a favorite person, real or fictional, who is passionate about and or is masterful at that activity.
Imagine how they would feel getting started with this activity, how they would feel having finished this activity. Use your capacity for empathy to your advantage.
Ask yourself, “Are these feelings I would like to give myself the opportunity to experience?”
If the answer is yes, ask yourself, “Am I willing to tolerate the discomfort of getting started in order to give myself the opportunity to experience these feelings myself?”
If the answer to that is yes, set a timer for however much time you're willing to spend on this activity.
Do the thing. Be gentle with yourself.
Stop when the timer goes off.
Note, if your answers to either number four or five was no, you have an opportunity for more reflection. Ask yourself:
Why would I rather not give myself the opportunity to experience these feelings?
Why am I currently unwilling to tolerate the discomfort of getting started?
My guess is that it has something to do with the first thing we talked about in this video, the faulty assumption that there is something innately wrong and makes suffering deserved.
So let me be absolutely clear. There is nothing wrong with you. You do not innately deserve to suffer. You are worthy. You deserve good things. I believe in you.
If you enjoyed this video, you might also like my signature course, The Action Navigator. It's packed to the brim with tools and techniques for mastering your time, getting organized, and offering yourself radical compassion as a neurodivergent spoonie. If that sounds like exactly what you've been looking for, use this link to learn more.
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